Chiang Mai

May 19: We arrived in Chiang Mai via Greenbus from Hang Chat. The greenbus is the local inter-city bus, it's rickety and fan-cooled and very often packed. It's impressive just how full that bus can get, people sit on blankets on the floor. Such was the case for our Chiang Mai transport, after of course waiting for about 2 hours for a bus to pick us up. We had been dropped off at the Hang Chat bus station by one of Caroline's fellow teachers and promised that a bus would arrive shortly. Well ,you see, sometimes the greenbus is actually full to capacity and then it just passes on by. This blind wait for the bus created a fun sense of urgency when I had to decide if it was worth the risk of possibly missing the bus in order to make a mad dash to pee at the gas station across the street. In my mind, our fellow bus-waiters looked on anxiously, wondering if I would make it. I did.

We arrived in the New City early afternoonish and with a serious agenda on our hands. Goals for Chiang Mai included cheap dental work, monk-guided meditation, Thai royalty photos, and massage.

After tracking down some much needed Thai iced coffee and a tuk-tuk, we located Caroline's favorite Chiang Mai hostel. In an uncharacteristic splurge, we sprang the extra dollar for an all female dorm (after Meta's comically horrified reaction at the mention of co-ed dorms.) Once settled we set out immediately to a nearby wat where there would be an evening meditation session. This wat was kind of a sprawling community, with several buildings and food stands. It was located in the silver-working district, and one of the buildings and it's ornaments was constructed entirely of silver. Of course, as women, we weren't actually allowed to enter this building. This was one of the (fortunately few) times that I was reminded of our lesser status, particularly within the temple scene.

There was a small area with a sign that read "Monk Chat and Meditation". A few minutes early for the surprise chat session, we sat on the wooden bench and spoke some English with the giggling schoolgirls hanging out. Soon a monk saw us, and joined us for a chat.

The monk chat was not quite what one would expect. We were ready with several burning questions compiled from our wat sightings. But this monk was not so interested in temple talk. He chatted and chatted about his life, he was from Cambodia, and talked with us about Cambodian food and culture and his current studies at the Chiang Mai University. All of this was great and quite endearing, but when Meta was able to segueway into a question about the different Buddha postures, he responded with "Yes, they mean different things. Anything else?" We managed to squeeze some additional information from him and had started to ask a second question when four more guests arrived for the chat. This was a bit of a setback as the new guests had to go through their introductions and tell where they were from. Excited that the new chat guests were all European, our monk took the opportunity to hold his nose and speak in a funny nasal voice saying, "I am American...I like shopping...etc". The European visitors sat visibly uncomfortable in nervous laughter as the monk made fun of Americans in front of our backs. Lisa seemed reasonably unfazed and gave him a shrug, while I wrote off the monk completely and refrained from criticizing his choice of delivery, as his normal voice was far more nasal than every American I know. Monks are henceforth dead to me. ...And for the next hot and mosquito-infested hour the monk chat was an oration of all things monk. We learned his feelings and opinions on the political history of Cambodia, as well as his favorite films and foods. He loves Rambo and dreams of being a soldier. Try as we might, none of the monk chat attendees were able to get a word in, let alone ask questions. One positive outcome was a fashion show of sorts where the monk showed us how the robes work and showed off the sleek form-fitting orange one-shouldered cargo vest worn underneath the robes. My mind trailed off wondering where I might procure one of these vests. Eventually we excused ourselves as politely as possibly (which was still pretty awkward), a storm was brewing and we were on foot, but more importantly we were bored and being eaten alive by mosquitoes. As we slipped out and nodded goodbye our monk reminded us that meditation would begin in another hour or so, and we should come back. We nodded and smiled but the monk chat had really exhausted our daily reserves of Buddhist tendencies. The rest of the evening was spent eating at the market (ordering pad thai in bad thai) then getting a sub-par oil massage that was more like an oil rubdown given by two women who seemed irritated that were were there. (It was pleasant enough but nothing like our previous Thai massage. Also they massaged the boobs. Also we weren't given any instructions, whereas previous massages had included a massage outfit to put on. I assumed we were to just get naked. Lisa came in after me and I said "I think we are to be naked next to each other. There's a first time for everything." This massage was stupid.) We shared a beer and oreo milkshake at Mike's Burgers while listening to a cover band play across the street (Which was incidentally our first introduction to the Bruno Mars hit "Just the Way You Are", which we picked up quickly do to its simple repetition and stood for a moment on the corner singing along.) We ended the day with a long midnight walk around the square moat that encapsulates the city center. We like to refer to this walk as "squaring the square." On this mild adventure we encountered a most curious and adorable animal hanging out in the trees lining the street. A sugar glider? We also passed a few wats of interest that we made a note to revisit the next day. Among them include the wat we dubbed Club Wat for it's glittering mirrored exterior. Another was Homeless Wat, named for the man and his dog asleep at the entrance.

We did manage to get some cheap dental work done the next day, after a 5 minute online research determined that we would most likely not contract any diseases, namely AIDS, from this foray into medical tourism. Our teeth cleanings showed that Meta had two cavities and I needed a crown for a broken tooth. At a fraction of the US price, we really pulled one over on the system. I intend to do all of my dental and medical work this way from here on out.

After the dental cleaning we set out to resquare the square and visit some wats, and ran into our good friend Caroline. She had come to stay the weekend with us in Chiang Mai. Caroline is something of a celebrity in Chiang Mai and was immediately greeted at the hostel by other travelers she had met in recent excursions.

Our dusty trio took to the streets. We ate sticky rice and mango (delicious!) from the food carts and explored the square. We made up stories about our elusive roommate at the dorm. We found Club Wat, which was sadly closed, but we did take some pictures in the mirrored glass. We visited an outdoor wat at twilight, listened to the chanting monks and climbed some stairs to sit beneath a large Buddha and watch the bustling street below us. We drank some varieties of cocktails and found a place to eat. The restaurant was adorned with fantastic old Thai movie posters and colored lights. Meta and I were introduced to khao soy, a delicious soupy meal with a coconut milk base, chiles and tofu or chicken and fried noodles and all kinds of rich deliciousness. As much as we wanted to check out the night bazaar, we were all exhausted after our long day of heat and exploration. We made a stop so Meta could pick up ear plugs (Caroline snores. Loudly.). This set of four tiny green pieces of foam cost 150 baht. That is the equivalent of 5 American dollars, and more expensive than most of the guest houses we stayed in. The value of the baht never ceases to mystify, but the value of earplugs in a room with Caroline is arguably priceless.

The next day Caroline introduced us to her friend who makes smoothies and fruit bowls at the food market. For breakfast we ate a gigantic bucket filled with yoghurt, fresh fruit, and muesli. The morning was spent at a leisurely pace. Caroline and I read while Meta had her cavities filled. My crown appointment was later in the afternoon which gave us enough time to visit Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep, probably the largest wat we visited on the trip. Here's what Wikipedia has to say: the city's most famous temple, stands on Doi Suthep, a hill to the north-west of the city. This temple dates from 1383. By tradition, its site was chosen by placing a relic of the Lord Buddha on an elephant's back and letting it roam until it trumpeted, then circled, and finally laid down and died. The temple's location provides views of the city on a clear day.

This wat was gorgeous. We were dropped off after a winding drive up the mountain and climbed a staircase active with people selling various wares and food. Once at the top we ignored the sign demanding that foreigners pay some amount of baht (resolving, of course, to offer our money once inside.) This blatant segregation of foreigners is widespread and interesting because it depends solely on visual cues. A white citizen of Thailand would be asked to pay, while an Asian American would not be questioned. For the most part, this method is probably pretty accurate. Either way we never got used to the shamelessness of the distinction, the blunt reminder that we did not belong.

Highlights of this two story wat include the the young girls dancing in traditional Lanna attire, the high school band that sat on the floor and played their instruments, the tiny mangy puppies wandering around, rows and rows of the biggest bells I've seen, and getting blessed by a cranky monk who gave away bracelets with the blessing, (he splashes water on you and hands over the bracelet. A wat-affiliated volunteer ties the bracelet on the womens' wrists as the monk is not to make physical contact with women). We also experienced our first Chinese fortune, acquired through a canister filled with sticks. Each stick has a number on it and after spending some time meditating on the Buddha, you shake the canister until a stick falls out. There are corresponding numbered papers which tell you your fortune. Caroline's fortune confirmed that she and Meta would find their "lost party" (I had gotten separated from them.) My fortune claimed my unyielding happiness in all of my affairs which left me somewhat suspicious.

After the wat we headed back to the city for a quick lunch (sandwiches at a hip vegetarian restaurant where one of Caroline's friends works), and I had my dental appointment. This went pretty smoothly, after the doctor laughed at my nervousness and conceded to give me the novacaine. This man later made fun of my teeth for being too dark. Real professional, guy. And in the true Thai spirit of "you've seen one farang, you've seen a thousand farang", my (Lisa's) dental records are under the curious title of "Meta Gary". I got to keep my mis-identified x-ray as a souvenir. I might add that this xray was taken without the offering of a protective vest. But who am I to complain about a little radiation exposure? No one, apparently.

Next goal was the Thai royalty photos we had so joyously read about in our travel book. In truth, it is basically the ONLY thing we read about before heading to Thailand (you might say we were ill prepared for Asia). A little research done by Caroline and Meta while I was with the good doctor, and we were headed toward the local mall. We passed the Homeless Wat on the way but couldn't cross the busy Chiang Mai traffic and sadly had to let it go. Also we were sipping on one BEET SMOOTHIE, courtesy fruit n muesli stand girl who I am in love with. Okay. Caroline was quite the skeptic about these royalty photos until we arrived at the mall and found that they're not the cheesy tourist attraction we had envisioned, but instead a professional glamour-shots-type operation with great outfits, make up, hair, and backdrops. Caroline perked right up at this new set of circumstances, but thai royalty shoots come with a hefty price tag that the traveling farang were simply not willing to pay. We were a bit disgruntled that our cheesy gatlinburg style dreams were dashed. Caroline consoled herself with some meat on a stick and we all did a little shopping in the market conveniently set up at the mall entrance. Meta and I scored some sweet skinny suspenders (same price as our earplugs, for reference).

Further consolation involved massage. In the interest of sampling all manner of massage, Meta and I decided on the full hour head-neck-shoulder-foot massage, while Caroline stuck to the traditional Thai contortion massage. The woman at the front desk had to call our masseuses into work. While we waited we admired a fabulous 70s photo of the Royal Family dressed in yellows and oranges and looking very Partridge-esque. The massage girls rode up together on a scooter and we all got down to business. This was hands down the best massage of the trip, eliciting romantic feelings on my end, the way any good massage should.

NEXT UP GAY BAR. Interesting dynamic here, the place was practically empty save for a handful of pretty Thai boys and their older, fatter (richer?) white boyfriends. While we sipped cocktails a brother-sister child con team approached us and tried to sell us roses. When we declined the offer the small boy upped the ante by challenging Caroline to a thumb war with a 5 baht buy in. The dynamic between these two kids was amusing - the boy was charming and manic his older sister was snarky and bored. The thumb war trick was a hit and the boy "won" 5 b from each of us and graciously gave us roses.

We left the bar to check out the night market but we were too late and it was shutting down. We picked up some mango and sticky rice and headed back to our gay bar where we were greeted warmly by our Thai gayboy friends. We had a few more drinks, listened to Rhianna, giggled with the boys, made polite conversation with their older gentleman friends, and were invited to go out dancing at the nearby Club Mandalay with them when the bar closed. Too bad Club Mandalay is exclusive and even when Meta showed some skin and one of the white boyfriends claimed I was his sister, the bouncer would not budge. We were welcome only for a price, and at the late hour and with our hurt pride, we were not willing to pay. Instead we picked up a few snacks to munch on our defeated walk home. Caroline swears she's going to get into that club for free before her time in Thailand is out.

We fell into bed at an unusually late hour. We tipsy-chatted with our dormmate who we had been going back and forth between loving and hating. Caroline stepped outside to talk to her gig (Thai slang for part-time lover!) on the phone and got caught up in some late night adventure of her own while Meta and I promptly passed out in preparation for our next adventure: Pai.